"GETTING IT?" - QUESTIONS ABOUT SUCCESS

By Tony Cash

WHAT DOES SUCCESS MEAN?

Success! How does that word make you feel? It might inspire you – or even depress you because you think it is something that does not (and cannot) apply to you. Some people will associate it with tremendous wealth, others might see it as freedom from the stresses of modern day life, still others might say success is about how they connect with other people or even the divine. Success is whatever you define it to be.

In the context of achieving goals, I used to define these seven steps to success: getting out of negativity, getting going, getting along, getting energy, getting into contribution, getting open, and getting enjoyment. These are all still good and valid, but the personal context of my understanding of success has changed. Goals are useful for the practical matters of our life, but can be limiting if we define ourselves in terms of them. If we do that, goals (spiritual or material) become a way of bolstering an artificial sense of self - the ego. I would understand success now as:

Of course, the above list reflects my own values at present. Everyone needs to define success for themselves, and take action to move towards that definition accordingly. Below I have rewritten my seven motivational steps in light of my own, new perspective. It may or may not make sense on a first reading - but stick with the suggestions and you will find that your life moves forward.

SEVEN MOTIVATIONAL STEPS

Step 1) Giving Up Negativity.

Creating a better life is as much about letting go of those things which hold us back, as much as taking the necessary positive steps forward. Most of us know we need to let go of envy, negative beliefs, negative talk, and negative states. But of course that's much easier said than done. A key here is self-awareness - to observe the content of the mind and realise that you are not the content (be it positive or negative). You are the observer, the space in which your thoughts happen. As you do this, moment by moment, you may notice that there are subtle pay-offs to your resentments, anger and unfulfilled desires. The ego always has its hidden pay-offs - rewards for negative approaches. These may be feelings of superiority, the sense of being right, a sense of importance etc - the list is endless.

A powerful method of dealing with your anxieties and problems is to bring your mind into the present moment. As Eckhart Tolle (author of 'The Power of Now') would say - 'what problem do you have right now?' Not next year, next week, the next day or even in the next minute. There is is big difference between making practical plans and learning from the past on the one hand - and finding an (illusory) identity by living in the past or in an imaginary future.

Step 2) Giving Dedication

Decide what is important to you, the values that matter in your life. Write those down. Now write down how you'd like to express those values in your life. Are there some specific, timed goals that capture for you what living your values would mean? Be very specific on what you want – your unconscious mind is very literal and follows the path of least resistance. If you write "more money" then you have achieved that if you find one penny in the street. Be warned, if you focus on failure, that’s exactly what you’ll get. Think about what you want to move towards.

I believe that once you have a goal in mind, the key to success is dedication to each step along the way. Now is all you have. It's no use resenting the present moment because you have not achieved your goal yet. As you say yes to each step, you will find a new energy and power to support you. If you obsess about the end result - and refuse to be joyful until you have it - then you are making the mistake of denying the present to get to the future. But when you get to the future, won't it then be the present?

Step 3) Giving to Others

Ultimately, everything is connected. What you give to others, you are really giving to your true self. As you help others along their journey, you are inevitably helping your self. As you do so, remember you are not doing anyone a favour (which leads to resentment and pride) - goodness has its own reward. Sharing also strengthens a sense of abundance - and that consciousness is more likely to attract good things into your life than a scarcity mentality. Its not just about giving away money, you can give away possessions you no longer need, your attention, your time or your prayers.

It is also helpful to realise that it does not help us to blame others for our reaction to them. This has been a tough insight to grasp, but which option do you prefer – that you cannot help your feelings (and therefore being a victim), or that you can affect how you feel and respond (and therefore have power in life)? NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) contains many ways of quickly changing our feelings in any situation. Sometimes it helps to imagine seeing the world through someone else’s eyes – to experience the power of shifting perspective.

And always remember that others are not their egos - just like you their true selves are the space in which their lives happen.

Step 4) Giving Energy.

You can make a massive impact on your energy, and therefore your power to give what you want in life, by improving your diet and exercise. Tai Chi, Chi Kung, Yoga, and meditation are all good ways of keeping your energy in balance. Eating more alkalizing foods - e.g. green vegetables - helps. We can also gain a lot of energy by dealing with those things we have been avoiding – nothing drains energy like a necessary task we keep on putting off. And denying the truth from ourselves can also rob us of our inner power. As your energy increases, others around will benefit from your more powerful presence.

Step 5) Giving Thanks.

This is about saying thanks to others, but also about saying yes to life itself. This helps us overcome false pride as we know that whatever we have given, life has given us much more. You may or may not like your life situation at this time - but you are infinitely bigger than that situation. You are not the content of your life, but the awareness in which the content takes place. Give thanks for the miracle of awareness, of consciousness itself. Notice the beauty all around you - you just have to see beyond your constant mental pictures and inner noise. When you say yes to life, somehow it pulls you forward.

Step 6) Giving Up Assumptions

Some assumptions - like 'good people can't have money' - can be seen to be negative and limiting quite easily. But others are more subtle. These can be assumptions about what life has to offer, what strategies will work, what is motivating others. The list is endless. But the only thing that is certain about assumptions, is that under some circumstances they will turn out to be wrong. First observe, then question, the assumptions of your mind. Be aware that sometimes the assumptions we are least aware of, those which are most hidden in our unconcious minds, can hold us back the most.

Our assumptions sometimes prevent us being flexible enough. If you do the same thing when circumstances have changed, you are really doing something different (and it may not be appropriate for the new situation). Life demands flexibility. Our business strategies, our relationship strategies, our spiritual strategies need to evolve. There are three great empowering questions we can ask ourselves: "How can I learn from what is happening?", "How can I improve what I am doing?", "How can I use this for good?"

Step 7) Give Yourself Enjoyment!

Some people assume that to be motivated, you have to be dissatisfied with the present (or yourself) so you move towards the future goal. It does not have be like that. You should accept yourself as you are no matter where you are in life - however near or far from your goals. (if need be, accept your non-acceptance - always give acceptance the last word). Once you accept yourself, only then are the next steps meaningful. There is no point to success unless we find joy in the process of getting there, even if it's not easy. For example, because of limiting beliefs, many people think that they have to work excessive hours to succeed, and end up too tired to enjoy life. We do have to invest time and energy to achieve our plans, but at every stage there needs to be pleasure in what we do. The present is all there is - there's no use denying it to get to the future. Behind each, goal sooner or later is revealed the desire for happiness. But you don't have to let your happiness depend on external circumstances. You can understand that it's something that comes from within, depending on your interpretation of events. True enjoyment - in-joy-in-the-moment - happens as we say yes to the space in which our life is: now.

Details of Tony's work can be found at the homepage www.integration.org.uk

©Integration 2000 - 2004